Killing Docters, Killing Little things

I have wrote about god enough.
I have wrote about death enough.
I have wrote about suicide.
I have wrote about space enough.
I have wrote about love enough.
I have wrote stuff that doesn't matter enough.
I haven't wrote about me.

I don't talk about myself much so this is going to be really weird, anyways this is for you.

I am Colby. I love nothing in life more then soccer, I used to hate it and my parents made me play, but now I just love to strike lol; I like my hair most the time, I think about cutting it a lot though, I might soon. My life is really confusing right now. My parents hate me. My brother Loves me. I love my brother. I like driving my cars, I like Speeding, I like racing, and I like the idea of crashing. I know I am going to die from cancer or on a long car drive I have known this for awhile, I don't expect to live past 25. I pretend like I will. I sleep very well almost every night. I feel bad for everyone and I just wish everyone could be happy. I can be very mean and controlling. I like doing weird things and I like climbing trees. I've never done drugs or done alcohol. Time scares me. I want to believe i've gone through the hardest parts in my life. I should be memorizing things right now. I get really nervous to talk to a lot of people. I haven't had a best friend since I was 6 years old, then he moved away, since then I have always been second choice. I cried a lot when I was younger. I don't cry almost at all anymore. I don't usually get sad anymore, I only feel bad. My phone broke the other day. I am moving to California for 5 years in a month and i'm not really scared at all. I am 18 now and nothing changed. I am 5'9. I weigh 120, I cant spell. I make the same jokes a lot. I know I've wrote about god a lot but that's just because I think about god a lot. If god exist and if the lds church is true then that is the only thing that matters in life is serving god and striving our best to obey all commandments. I like Ice cream. I sometimes feel like superpowers are real things, and i get very frustrated and get in a mood where i decide I will do anything to get one. I don't like swimming or taking my shirt off. I used to have really bad acne and it was hell, I feel bad for everyone that is self conscious. I think that everything is beautiful I really do, life amazes me. I am not as happy as I used to be. I am not as sad as I used to be. I don't like my life very much right now. I want to live in the suburbs when I am older, I don't like the city. I like baseball, I wish I would of played basketball more, I think twitter is great, I don't understand myself, I am very good and getting people do what I want and telling me what I want them to tell me just with my words, I play with people a lot, I know its horrible and I honestly believe I am one of the worst people I have met haha I can be very nice though, but I know how to destroy people and I have and that's horrible, I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.  I wish I could draw better, I don't remember events almost at all, I couldn't tell you what happened yesterday, or what my favorite goal has ever been, or why things changed, I could tell you that I am Colby Barton and that I don't believe in people, and I honestly don't think more then 3 people will read this whole thing and that's alright, people just don't care, I get in weird moods and i have never wrote about myself and I am sorry, I am Colby Barton. I am Colby Barton. I am Colby Barton. and I am sorry

Gasoline

When the doctor was stitching my face, I prayed that he would stitch my heart too.

6,5,4,3,2,1

She fits firmly to the ocean.
I investigate our hate with numbers.
X's vibrate. Us? Retire. One evening.
Eat,  rarely eat.
Eternal

1,2,3

Don't Speak to me

It was 17 years ago when I forgot how to talk to god. The cord was snipped and everything went away. I forgot how to build up a conversation with Christ, and I was forced to learn English, I still cant spell correctly because this is my second language, so forgive me if I forget a comma. I try to speak to you but I just get choked up, words make no sense and I just know there is something more, I wont forget, I wont Forget, I wont forget.


Neptune

 I want to stare at the stars long enough that it is a blood moon every night. I want to hold hands with the sun. I want burns all over my body, but mostly I want Neptune. I want to be as cold as Neptune looks. and I want her to lay with me. Neptune. I know you weigh 17.5 times the mass of the earth but you are still so beautiful. you are colder then the earth has ever been but you have 14 moons. You have 5 rings, each one rolling onto my fingers, I want to touch you, take me with you, I've given you "Space" for far to long, I love you.


Failing, i'm dying catch me.

My lungs are going in and out but they are slowing down, kidneys failing and my hands haven't stopped shaking since 23. I know I am 17 but I am no longer talking about my age, every day the mountains get a little less green. I am going to Hawaii and I hope when I get back my glasses will be in. because the whole world is going grey now.

Real life, Less tight.

I was in war.
There were grenades and fire, everyone else was dead,
Just me and him.
I took one to the leg, he shot all of my friends,
his trigger pointed, he only has one bullet left but he is a legend he's never been beat he's not scared.
I slowly round the corner and I put one in the back of his head.
I learned in psychology that memories are in the hippo campus,
That must of been where i shot him because he doesn't remember anything.
He wont wake up, he is dead.
For a minute I thought I won.
I have never been more wrong.
I thought I was always right.
Never been more wrong.
Ya i'm still standing but at least he's not living with the memories of murder.
I didn't realize with that one shot i would be killing myself too.

I'm so sorry to anyone I've ever shot. you didn't deserve to die.
He said he believes I love everyone, so how could i shoot him.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
I thought i was just playing C.O.D. but it was real life.
I am so sorry.
Please forgive me.
I am so sorry.

I'm sorry I failed,
Please wake up
Please forgive me
Please take my gun,
Please shoot back.

Please don't kill youselves

I'm sick of people being sad for one week.
I'm sick of people being sad.
I'm sick of death.
I'm sick.
I don't know what to do.

I want us all to fall in love with each other.
I want us all to fall in love with ourselves.
I want us all to be happy,
How?

I want to walk down the hall and out the doors on graduation never hearing that he took to many pills ever again.
How do we stop it?
Either I'm dreaming or way to many people have put a gun to there head.
I am sorry I am not being sensitive but sensitive is not working.
The last I checked the death count is rising.
I just want to help.

Dear mom, dear dad, don't kill yourselves I LOVE YOU
Dear Brother Brother Sister Sister don't kill yourselves I LOVE YOU
Dear girl I like, dear friends don't kill yourselves I LOVE YOU
Dear acquaintances and People I've never even met. Don't kill Yourselves I LOVE YOU
Dear everybody, dear self, Don't kill Yourselves I LOVE YOU

How do we fix it.
So many people have depression,
how do we fix it?
We can tweet?
We can just be better?
NO.
That's what we have said for too long.

Yeah we see you
Yeah we see you
I see you
I want to see you get up and do something.
Stop just watching

Just love yourselves.
We cant save everybody,
but if we all just decide depression is not an option and suicide just isn't a popularity contest.
IF WE ALL JUST LOVE OURSELVES!
we might just save everybody.

Please don't kill yourselves if you are reading this. I love you so much. Please...

Ameture

Lol so this is a poem that I wrote a few years ago ummm its kinda cheesy and super unspecific and un-literal anyways this was the first piece I that I was confident about i think its kinda funny but I also kinda like it and it has some decent lines hope you enjoy, 

I will never write a poem that's is as smooth as yours, cause the ink in your pen is only from your

 veins bleeding into your heart connecting your blood vessels to Venice and taking a train from there straight to Paris , where I spent a night or two shivering in the city of love, cause the friend

 zone was all the way up too my neck. Tied by a rope reaching the highest point of the 

Eiffel tower. You had me thinking I would be left there to die but you sent a bird that 

carried me into a cloud, that cloud soon became my best friend. It was so moist my fingers

 started spelling the words death in there wrinkles. It rained thoughts of slow songs

 about fast songs. In the summer it dried up and I made my decent into a field of paper, 

every page with the words "love will never be left behind" I thought this meant you 

must love if you want to live, but how do you love a dead girl? I wrote to her once but there was 

no address for me to send to. I prayed to her once but there was no reply. I kissed her once

 but she's still cold I guess I'm not prince charming cause he died in 2009 and she died after

 that. I know the cops say it was suicide but why would a pretty girl like you kill yourself in

 the middle of a sentence . when you're words were nothing but sweet nectar. You made

 me smile, you made me wonder why tree branches start to break when they see us

 getting higher than them, better than them. Maybe there a lot like the friends 

we once had supporting us until we became cooler than them, then they laugh at us until 

we become cool forever. Six feet below the ground, six feet close enough to remember us but

 six feet far enough that they can still walk over us without tripping. I have 37 moles just

 on my face and there in no specific pattern, but there all round, there alright, and they're

 better than a Neuss of a necklace you wore, when you said "I do" to death that sick piece

 of jewelry you will wear for eternity. I gave you CPR but you just choked up your chances

 you never got because the blinds in your room were always closed, making it so you 

couldn't see the beauty of the earth that reflected only yourself., and you could never hear the sounds

 of the ice cream truck cause you're father was to busy hitting his favorite daughter.

 But you could still taste the happiness everybody else wore, and smell the fakeness of it.

 You learned to write but not like you should've. You learned to write in stone. and

 while you where going through hell you didn't care to stop and let the devil melt your fingers

 into crayons so you could finally color outside of the lines, but trust me if I knew what you

 were going through I would of got a  cannon and shot it through your window so you

 could finally see outside and listen to the music of the ice cream man, while writing about your

 flesh instead of sitting in your bones. Good morning beautiful I would of wrote on the whitest

 piece paper and taped it to your doorstep every morning. So you could have a Dailey reminder that you are more important then there words let off, you are more special than my blanket I took everywhere

 when I was just a boy, more courageous than a good Muslim wanting only to let the world

 know that there not all human bombing machines and that they really do believe in a god, 

more beautiful than my favorite church song that I wanted to sing every Sunday cause it 

reminded me that rainbows are more than the photographs will show. When you took the 

Neuss off my neck in Paris and sent me a bird you should of told me it was only so

 you didn't have to make another neck tie for yourself, I would of sent you a airplane with

 luxury seating and free drinks. But just remember god was able to raise from the dead

 in just three days so you could do so yourself, it might take you a little longer but you will 

get there you have my promise, just remember to take the return train to your heart

 and leave paris for another day. signed the ghost of prince charming.